ADHD and Maturity: Your Brain’s On a Different Timeline

Dec 3

Author: Kimberly Tierney, Director of Academic Coaching

Read time: 5-6 minutes

This content was aided by the OpenAI language model Assistant. Learn more at https://openai.com/.

One of the most frustrating parts of living with ADHD is feeling like your brain “should” be better at these executive functioning skills by now.

Sometimes this sounds like negative self-talk including:

“I’m in college. Why can’t I just get myself to start assignments on time?”
“My friends seem so independent. Why do I still need reminders for basic things?”
“I know what I’m supposed to do. Why can’t I just do it?”

Parents see it too: a bright 18–20-year-old who can debate complex ideas in class, but still melts down over a schedule change, forgets appointments, or waits until 11:45 p.m. to start the assignment due at midnight.

Here’s the key idea I want you to hear:

For many people with ADHD, the frontal lobe, the part of the brain that handles planning, impulse control, emotional regulation, and long-term thinking, tends to develop more slowly. That means an 18-year-old with ADHD might have executive functioning more like a 15–16-year-old.

That’s not a character flaw. It’s a developmental difference.

But, understanding this is meant to give you tools, not excuses. Your brain may be on a different timeline, but you still have a huge amount of power to shape your habits, choices, and future.

What’s Going On in the ADHD Brain?

Let’s keep the neuroscience simple and useful.

1. The Frontal Lobe Is “Under Construction”

The frontal lobe (especially the prefrontal cortex) is the brain’s “CEO.” It helps you:

Plan ahead
Manage time
Inhibit impulses (“Maybe don’t watch five episodes right now”)
Regulate emotions
Stay focused on a goal

In ADHD, the connections in this region tend to mature more slowly. Some researchers describe ADHD not as a broken system, but as “maturational dysregulation.” The brain is developing, just not always in sync with the expectations placed on you for your age.

So when you hear yourself think, “Why am I so behind everyone else?” the answer might be: your brain is catching up, and you can support it.

2. The “Zoned Out vs. Goal-Focused” Systems

Your brain has networks that:

Help you focus on a task, plan, and take action (often called the central executive network)
Help you drift, daydream, and think about yourself and your internal world (often called the default mode network)

Everyone uses both. But in ADHD, the “zoned out” network tends to pull harder, and it can be harder to switch fully into goal-focused mode and stay there. That’s why you might:

Read the same page three times and realize you absorbed none of it
Start studying and suddenly find yourself deep in a YouTube rabbit hole
Begin a task with good intentions and somehow end up reorganizing your closet instead

Again: this doesn’t mean you’re lazy. It means your brain needs more intentional support to stay in the lane you want.

3. Emotional Maturity and ADHD

Emotional maturity also lives in the pre-frontal cortex. This involves things like:

Self-awareness – noticing what you’re feeling
Emotional regulation – calming yourself without blowing up or shutting down
Empathy – understanding how others feel
Resilience – bouncing back after setbacks
Adaptability – shifting your reactions when plans change

ADHD can make these harder because of impulsivity, emotional intensity, and that slower-developing frontal lobe. You might:

React quickly and strongly before you’ve had time to think
Feel emotions more intensely than your peers
Have a lower frustration tolerance (“This is too much, I’m done”)
Struggle to “let things go”

None of this means you can’t develop emotional maturity, it just means it may take more practice, more tools, and often more support.

**What This Doesn’t Mean**

I want to be super clear about this:

ADHD is not a free pass to give up.
“My brain is behind” is not a reason to stop trying.
“I have ADHD” is not the same as “I can’t grow” or “This is just who I am forever”

Instead, I encourage students to think of this as:

“My brain develops differently, so I need different strategies and more intentional scaffolding. My effort matters.”

The brain continues to change well into adulthood. You are not stuck. See our previous blog posts on Growth Mindset for more on this!

**How to Work With Your Brain (Not Against It)**

Here’s the empowering part: once you understand what’s happening in the brain, you can intentionally design supports that do some of the heavy lifting for your frontal lobe.

1. Externalize Executive Function

If your brain’s “internal planner” is still under construction, move the planning outside your head.

Try:

A written or digital task list organized by day, not just “sometime this week”
Time-blocking your day: assign specific hours for studying, classes, meals, breaks
Alarms and reminders on your phone — not just for events, but for starting tasks
Visual schedules or whiteboards in your room so your priorities are literally in front of you

This isn’t childish. It’s smart-brain support.

2. Use the “Pause Button” for Emotions and Choices

Because impulsivity and emotional intensity are part of ADHD, building a tiny gap between feeling and acting is huge.

You can practice:

The 10-minute rule: Before firing off a text, email, or big decision, wait 10 minutes. Walk, breathe, or write a draft you don’t send yet.
Name it to tame it: When you notice a strong feeling, quietly say to yourself, “I’m feeling anxious/angry/overwhelmed.” Labeling emotions activates more of that frontal lobe and gives you a little more control.
If/then plans: “If my professor’s feedback upsets me, then I’ll take three deep breaths and write down one question to ask in office hours instead of shutting down.”

These small strategies, practiced over time, build emotional maturity.

3. Break Everything Into Smaller, Concrete Steps

A big assignment can feel impossible when your frontal lobe struggles with planning and time sense.

Instead of putting this on your to-do list:

“Write my paper.”

Try:

Pick a topic
Re-read the rubric
Create a quick outline with 3-4 sections
Write just the introduction
Add one body paragraph
Schedule 30 minutes to edit

When you break tasks down this way, and actually schedule those steps, you’re doing the job your brain finds hardest on purpose. If you struggle with task-initiation, you can read more about that here.

4. Build Routines That Reduce Decision Fatigue

ADHD brains get tired of constant “What should I do now?” decisions.

Create simple, repeatable routines for:

Mornings (wake, get ready, quick room reset, check schedule)
Study blocks (same location, same setup, start with a 5-minute “warm-up” task)
Evenings (quick inbox check, set up tomorrow’s to-do list, devices away at a certain time)

The more you rely on routines, the less you rely on willpower, and that’s a good thing.

5. Support Emotional Maturity Directly

Some specific supports that can help grow emotional maturity with ADHD:

Mindfulness or breathwork to increase awareness of your internal state
Journaling to process emotions instead of acting them out
Cognitive-behavioral strategies (on your own, with a therapist, or with a coach) to challenge “all-or-nothing” thoughts
Social skills practice – reflecting on how you came across in an interaction and what you might do differently next time

Think of emotional maturity as a trainable skill set, not a fixed personality trait.

6. Ask for Support Without Apologizing for Existing

Using accommodations and support is not “cheating maturity.” It’s acknowledging how your brain works and setting yourself up to succeed.

This might include:

Registering with disability services for extended test time or reduced-distraction environments
Talking to professors during office hours about structure and expectations
Working with a therapist or coach on emotional regulation and executive functioning
Joining an ADHD support group to feel less alone and pick up new strategies. Many Universities offer this through the student mental health center. If you’re a student at Penn State you can find that info here.

Needing support doesn’t make you less mature. Using support wisely actually reflects more maturity.

A Different Timeline, Not a Defective One

If you’re a student with ADHD (or the parent of one), here’s what I hope you take away:

Yes, ADHD often comes with a brain maturity gap, especially in the frontal lobe systems that manage planning, impulse control, and emotions.
No, that does not mean you’re incapable, doomed, or “behind forever.”
Understanding your brain is not a crutch, it’s a roadmap.

Your job is not to magically “fix” your brain to match someone else’s timeline. Your job is to learn how your brain works, give it the supports it needs, and keep practicing the skills that move you toward the life you want.

At Tierney Education, we work with students to do exactly that: translate brain science into daily systems, habits, and mindsets that help you move from “I know what I should do” to “I’m actually doing it.”

Your brain is still growing. Your skills are still growing. And maturity isn’t a finish line you either reach or miss, it’s a process you’re actively building, one intentional choice at a time.

Kimberly Tierney